THE
FILES
by Untrue
News paranoia editor Hyman Hayden**
How
did you find us?
You
all know about the government's COBRA program which reads every piece
of email written, parses it for key words and sends those it deems suspicious
to CIA, FBI and Secret Service agents for follow-up action. You also
know that every single telephone call you make is under the same type
of observation. Your innocent email or casual remark during a telephone
conversation could put YOU on the suspect list and cause more trouble
for you than there are brain cells in Russell Crow's head.
Re: Black Eyed Children And Who Or What Are They? Spooky. Posted by Cheeky_Deek:
I have also heard of Black Eyed Kids. I think it may have been menetioned on "Coast to Coast", a late night/early morning AM radio before. My boyfriend is a often listener and told me about similar stories of these kids trying to get a ride from passing motorists. He said that people who meet these ]]>
Re: Post your own conspiracy theory here Posted by WakeHolden:
Certain recently declassified information has come into my possession which indicates that the Russian KGB invested heavily in genetic research during the 1980's in an attempt to develop non-human life forms which might be used on the battlefield. The code name for the operation was "Chupestroika".
]]>
Re: Chupacabras, Mexican Reptilians in Disguise Posted by WakeHolden:
If anyone has photographs of a real Chupacabra, please feel free to post it here. Please do not post Chupacabra drawings or illustrations. Also post the location where the photo was taken if you know. If you have had a personal encounter with a Chupa (or chupas), you may want to tell someone about i]]>
Re: Elvis impersonators (Elvii) may takeover planet by 2020 Posted by WakeHolden:
Elvis impersonators have been reported missing in several states. Police are baffled, and have no idea what happened to these individuals. They simply vanished with no trace. The FBI has begun an official investigation in to the matter. If you have any information concerning the missing EI's, please]]>
Re: What happened to Mary, and who is responsible? Posted by WakeHolden:
Obviously Mary was a PAPP informant. And besides, noone cares what happened to her anymore, nor do they care what happened to Jazmoora and the aliens. Let them have war, penguins, and candidate trivia.]]>
Re: New! CoEA Retreat Center opens in Wyoming! Posted by Edgar_Gene_Gormann:
I heard that there was a plan in place to rescue the people in the CoEA, like what happened in Waco with the Branch Davidians, but it was scrapped by the Bush White House because they did not want a repeat of Waco. I'm not so sure a Waco style assault would go over in Wyoming. Wyomingites are a diff]]>
Re: The Recession( United States) Posted by WakeHolden:
You're just trying to stir up a hornet's nest Mouse. Important stuff like Televangelism is good for the economy, and anything that's good for the economy deserves a nice big fat tax break. Would you rather have a bunch of ragged unkempt preachers running around driving Neons and Cavaliers? Of course]]>
Re: It May Be Too Late Posted by Grandpa_Grump:
Dadgummit boy, what's that thing they're putting on your head? Are you in some kind of loony bin or something? Tooth fillings is just tooth fillings. How in tarnation can they hide spy stuff in a filling, and what happened to all the pretty women that used to post in this thread? You PAPP fellas ain]]>
Re: Miss Fool Moon USA Posted by Kudzu_Moonstein:
Over four years and still not one Miss FoolMoon swimsuit photo. What a bunch of prudes!]]>
Re: Starchild Skull: Alien, Human, or Hybrid? Posted by Kudzu_Moonstein:
Were other things found in the cave near these skeletons...like pottery or tools or jewelry? They were probably murdered and put there to hide the bodies.]]>
Sorry, that was a bad example. It could
cause more trouble for you than there are lice on a Taliban latrine
cleaner.
We all believe that the last bastion
of privacy is the bathroom, but even there we are not safe (see my
toilet cam article) . And now
there is an even worse invasion of our rights. The eye-cam.
Although this science started in China,
the technology has spread rapidly and now agents of every known and
some unknown governments are being implanted with eye-cams.
The
eye-cam is a device no larger than a hummingbird's nostril. It is surgically
implanted behind the cornea of an agent. The device is not felt by the
wearer, and is controlled remotely by satellite from anywhere in the
world. Pictures from the eye-cam are broadcast back to whichever field
office is controlling the agent In some cases data is broadcast to certain
alien colonies elsewhere in the universe.
At the moment there is no protection
from the eye-cam. You are advised to blindfold anyone with whom you
have contact before permitting them to enter your home. Make them wear
the blindfold at all times until they are safely out of your house.
If the person claims to be a repairman, even the repairman you called,
be extra suspicious.
Be particularly careful of people who
don't appear to be looking at you, or people who you catch looking away
when your glance darts to them. These are likely to be eye-cam wearers,
rather than people who overtly stare at you.
Remember that a hard punch to the eye
behind which the eye-cam is implanted may disable it, but be sure you
are punching the correct eye.
Keep your doors locked and whatever
you do stay close to the silver foil. Blindfold all visitors so you
will never be "ready for your close-up, Mr. DeMille."
--H.H.
(**NOTE:
Hyman Hayden
is a member of the Paranoid Alliance for Personal Protection
(PAPP)
and is licensed to carry a concealed weapon.)
FILES
You
all know about the government's COBRA program which reads every piece
of email written, parses it for key words and sends those it deems suspicious
to CIA, FBI and Secret Service agents for follow-up action. You also
know that every single telephone call you make is under the same type
of observation. Your innocent email or casual remark during a telephone
conversation could put YOU on the suspect list and cause more trouble
for you than there are brain cells in Russell Crow's head.
The
eye-cam is a device no larger than a hummingbird's nostril. It is surgically
implanted behind the cornea of an agent. The device is not felt by the
wearer, and is controlled remotely by satellite from anywhere in the
world. Pictures from the eye-cam are broadcast back to whichever field
office is controlling the agent In some cases data is broadcast to certain
alien colonies elsewhere in the universe. 
