1. Turn off all electric
devices in your home, including TV, computer,
CD player, VCR. Keep a windup Victrola or manual
player piano in your home if you must have music
during these times. Turn off musical keyboards,
lights, and make sure no water is running. Wear
silver foil cap at all times. It may sometimes
be necessary to wrap your entire body in silver
foil. Keep an extra supply on hand, in case this
need arises. Do not answer the door, even if
it is asking sensible questions.
2. Sit in the center
of the largest room in your home. You will feel
the aliens asking you to do things, or perform
certain acts. Say no. They will at first treat
you nicely, begging and pleading with you, but
resist. Then they will become menacing. At this
point you will become nervous about your well-being,
but now is when you must insist even more adamantly
that you deny them permission. They will sulk
for a while, then depart.
3. To make sure there
are no more aliens in your home, use the Hayden
Non-Invasive Alien Probe® (Patent Pending).
Simply attach the probe to the control box, and
stand in the center of the room,
turning slowly in a circle, with the probe pointing
to the sides of the room. If the light on the
box stays blue, there are no further aliens present,
and you may remove the foil and turn the electricity
back on. If the light turns red, aliens are still
there. If the aliens have not departed, they
may merely be loitering, or they may be planning
their next attack. If they are not planning an
attack, leave them alone and they'll depart in
time. If they are planning an attack, kill them.
It is sometimes difficult to know if they are
planning an attack or not, so use your best judgment.