1. Turn off all electric devices in your home, including
TV, computer, CD player, VCR. Keep a windup Victrola or manual player piano in your home
if you must have music during these times. Turn off musical keyboards, lights, and make
sure no water is running. Wear silver foil cap at all times. It may sometimes be
necessary to wrap your entire body in silver foil. Keep an extra supply on hand, in case
this need arises. Do not answer the door, even if it is asking sensible questions.
2. Sit in the center of the largest room in your home. You
will feel the aliens asking you to do things, or perform certain acts. Say no. They will
at first treat you nicely, begging and pleading with you, but resist. Then they will
become menacing. At this point you will become nervous about your well-being, but now is
when you must insist even more adamantly that you deny them permission. They will sulk
for a while, then depart.
3. To make sure there are no more aliens in your home, use
the Hayden Non-Invasive Alien Probe® (Patent Pending). Simply attach the probe to
the control box, and stand in the center of the 
room, turning slowly in a circle,
with the probe pointing to the sides of the room. If the light on the box stays blue,
there are no further aliens present, and you may remove the foil and turn the electricity
back on. If the light turns red, aliens are still there. If the aliens have not departed,
they may merely be loitering, or they may be planning their next attack. If they are not
planning an attack, leave them alone and they'll depart in time. If they are planning an
attack, kill them. It is sometimes difficult to know if they are planning an attack or
not, so use your best judgment.
FILES
