THE You've been followed here. We're all in danger. FILES   You're being watched.
by Untrue News paranoia editor Hyman Hayden**

How did you find us?

Alien Cats
Have you found us yet?

A writer in one the bulletin boards I associate with suggests that cats may be creatures from another planet. This is what the aliens would like us to believe.

Domesticated cats have been around for five thousand years or more. They were sacred animals to the Egyptians. Now if you think that cats are alien creatures, you have to ask yourselves why, in five thousand years, haven't the aliens done what they want to do with us. Why would any civilization smarter than ours hang around us for five thousand years disguised at cats? This was the basic theme of the Broadway musical production of Cats, a theme which was largely ignored by theater critics.

Messengers of the AliensNo, cats are not aliens, they are as earthbound as you and me. But for the last sixty years, aliens have been using them as living cameras. Most cats disappear for a time, sometimes for ten minutes, sometimes for days. You cannot find them. It is during these times that they are under direct control of the aliens. Minute cameras, smaller than a deer tick, are inserted into the optic nerve tissue and into the aural canals of these cats. They send back direct signals to those in spacecraft who are monitoring the cats. Or more to the point, monitoring YOU. Why does your cat stare at you when IT wants to. Why does it insist on bathroom privacy? Why does it leap onto your lap when IT wants to, not when YOU want it to, like a dog would? Why does cat food taste worse than dog food?

You don't have to be a genius to add two and two. In this case, the answer is two cats plus two cats usually equals four aliens. The cat's purr, which comes from nobody knows where, is merely the machinery being reconfigured every so often. I will be in trouble for writing this, but that's nothing new. My lead foil cap is on, my thoughts are my own.

 --H.H.

The time draws near... keep looking.

Connect the dots. Trust no-one.

(**NOTE: Hyman Hayden is a member of the Paranoid Alliance for Personal Protection (PAPP) and is licensed to carry a concealed weapon.)

Talk back to Hayden

Shadow Gov. agent sightings

 

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