THE You've been followed here. We're all in danger. FILES   You're being watched.
by Untrue News paranoia editor Hyman Hayden**

How did you find us?

Have you found us yet?

The first thing I'd like to know is how Miss Cleo, the fortune teller, got my phone number, which is not only unlisted, but unlisted under a name different from mine (you can't be too careful.)

They listen everywhere.I can only conclude that she has something to do with the government, whose ability to see into our private lives, into our homes, yes, even into our bathrooms, is unquestioned. (see my previous article on the toilet microphone).Miss Cleo -- Alien mind sucker?

In order to investigate this, I went to a pay telephone and called Miss Cleo's number. The person who answered told me they could not accept calls from pay phones. I said I would drop the $3.99 per minute into the coin slots but they refused. I said "well if you're so damn psychic, you know where I live, talk to me and send me the bill." They hung up on me.

So I believe Miss Cleo. If she and her staff didn't have psychic powers, how would they know I was investigating them and why would they refuse to talk to me? Perhaps because they know that I know that only aliens have real psychic powers. And there we have the connection between the government and aliens.

Take no chanves -- use a silver foil wrap whenever possible to protect yourself.I have seen Miss Cleo's ads on TV. (I watch TV swathed in silver foil because of the harmful rays and because of the thought transference which could easily occur if I were not wearing my foil hat. I take no chances.) Readers, when Miss Cleo's ad appears on your TV screen, if there is no foil available, leave the room immediately. When the ad is over anoint your body with rock salt. Aliens hate rock salt, it affects them like it affects slugs, it makes them shrivel and die. If you ever suspect anyone of being an alien, throw rock salt on them. If they react angrily or with surprise, bingo! you've found them.

the only protection against the aural harmaonicsAs you might imagine, I receive a great deal of mail calling me crazy, and/or attempting to refute my belief in aliens. Who would bother writing such letters if they had nothing to hide? Calling your enemies crazy is the oldest trick in the book, and that's why I keep fifty 25-pound bags of rock salt in my room at all times. The bags, along with my several cartons of silver foil, take up a lot of space, which is why I can't move around too much, but what is more important, having room to move, or exposing yourself to aliens? I think the question answers itself.

 --H.H.

The time draws near... keep looking.

Connect the dots. Trust no-one.

(**NOTE: Hyman Hayden is a member of the Paranoid Alliance for Personal Protection (PAPP) and is licensed to carry a concealed weapon.)


 

Talk back to Hayden

Shadow Gov. agent sightings

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