THE You've been followed here. We're all in danger. FILES   You're being watched.
by Untrue News paranoia editor Hyman Hayden**

How did you find us?


Have you found us yet?

There's a new, nicotine-free cigarette on the market called MK-Ultra. While this may seem like good news for smokers, it is not. Our sources report a mind altering substance contained in the herbal mix which is intended to soften your brain and make it more receptive to takeover from an alien power.

Never Assume, or Be Assumed. This is a warning the Surgeon General won't give you.

While some may scoff at the idea, let me remind everyone that MK-Ultra is the code name used by the United States Army in the 1950's--70's for a program in which unwitting soldiers were given LSD "experimentally" to see if it made them more suggestible. Those who doubt this may visit the following websites:

(DATA REMOVED AT REQUEST OF US GOVERNMENT)

We do not condone smoking cigarettes, but if you must smoke stay away from MK-Ultras. Better to get emphysema and lung cancer than to allow aliens to capture your mind. If you are already smoking MK-Ultras, throw them out and pay attention to the warning signs of alien invasion which manifest in your body:

1. crust in corner of eyes upon awakening
2. unreasonable anger when robbed of money or assaulted by a stranger
3. a desire for personal happiness and security
4. thinking you have a shot with Anna Nicole Smith, if only you could meet her.
5. you think Craig Kilborn is funny

 --H.H.

The time draws near... keep looking.

Connect the dots. Trust no-one.

(**NOTE: Hyman Hayden is a member of the Paranoid Alliance for Personal Protection (PAPP) and is licensed to carry a concealed weapon.)


Talk back to Hayden

Shadow Gov. agent sightings

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