THE You've been followed here. We're all in danger. FILES   You're being watched.
by Untrue News paranoia editor Hyman Hayden**

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Have you found us yet?

The Significance of the
Number 12

Dear Readers, it is important to learn why the number 12 has such deep significance to our lives. You know there are 12 months in a year, 12 years in a felony sentence, 12 sentences in a paragraph. There are 12 eggs in a dozen, and 12 ounces troy weight to a pound. There are 12 ounces in 3/4 of a pint of liquid. Why?

The number 12 is the most ancient of the "combination numbers" being the first actual combination which can be made without duplication in the Arabic numeral system. It is equivalent to the letter z, which Americans pronounce "zee" and Canadians pronounce "zed."

The number is derived from Egeria, the Roman water goddess, who is often pictured carrying 12 jugs of water (invariably spilling some, thus creating the earth's lakes, oceans and rivers). However in her case, the number would have been XII and not germane to our discussion.

The number 12 manifests itself in all things. I will take random things and demonstrate how this works. Random thing number one: Le Roman de la Rose a 2 part, 22,000 line poem written by Guillaume de Loris. Part one was written in 1237. There is the number 12. Additionally, the numbers 1,2,3, and 7 add up to 13 but I told you this was part one of the poem so subtracting that 1, we have 12 again. Also, it is a poem of 22,000 lines and in 2 parts. 2 + 2 + 2 = 6 x 2 =12. You see how it all fits.

Random thing number 2: clothes moths. This is very hard to say without sounding silly. But please note there are 12 letters in "clothes moths"

Random thing number 3: God, the divinity of the great monotheistic religions. I don't think I need to tell you how the number 12 fits in here.

Random thing number 4: morning glories. These are climbing plants with funnel shaped flowers. Morning glories come in many shades, at least 12.

I think I have shown you how effective the number twelve can be in your own life as it helps you align yourself with the better forces in the world. You can see this in eggs. Surely eggs are not evil, and are sold by the dozen (12).

For yourself and your loved ones, use only the number 12, even if you are buying one pack of gum, call it 12 packs of gum.

If you have a large grocery order, get in the 12 items or less order line to confuse the forces. When you number things is a series, make every number 12.

You'll soon discover how much better your life is because you took the time to attune yourself to the number 12. Always wear your genuine silver foil hat when out of your home, or when watching TV, and the best of luck to all of you!

There are 12 paragraphs in this column.

--H.H.

The time draws near... keep looking.

Connect the dots. Trust no-one.

(**NOTE: Hyman Haydenis a member of the Paranoid Alliance for Personal Protection (PAPP) and is licensed to carry a concealed weapon.)

Talk back to Hayden

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